When real situations expose fake friendships…

Sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it? That thought crossed my mind too, many times.

Seriously, I cannot count how many times I have started this post and then stopped. I wondered if people would think I was referring to them or begin over-analysing our lost relationship. And then almost daily, I would see posts on my social media feed about people saying just that – the friends whom they thought the could count on but lost, the friends they have gained, the friends who are always there, no matter the storm or distance and friends who are family. And then, I realised it’s important to recognise this and write about it because friends are a big part of our lives.

Sadly, some friendships do fall apart. Accept it and move.

But what do you do with those memories? Do you pretend like they never happened? Or when something or someone else brings up that memory, do you cringe? Do you cry? Friendships come with emotional baggage so a cathartic release isn’t a bad thing. Release is the key word here.

We all need to learn the art of letting go, even if it’s a friendship that you thought would last forever. Do it gracefully, even if the fake friend is being rude or nasty about it.

In letting go, you begin to appreciate your true friends and the beauty they bring to your life.

I am counting my blessings – there are a few friendships that have truly brightened my days and warmed my heart in 2018. And that’s another thing – it’s not necessarily about  having many friends or a big circle. You can have many different circles of friends or one best friend. What matters most is the quality of that friendship. For me, it’s about being brutally honest with your friend and not having them hate you in return, it’s about friends who accept you for who you are, with your imperfections and who embrace your individuality and quirkiness.

Sounds idyllic? The reality is that not all friendships are smooth sailing – the waters of life can be tough and can test your friendships, as I can attest to. My best friends are split between Johannesburg and Australia. It’s difficult not being able to see them often. But I can still count on them to tell it like it is – and believe me they do! They are the strict and loving sisters that God has blessed me with!

I miss our coffee catch-ups and our nights out with our partners and children. Now, we catch up on WhatsApp – its what I love most about social media! When a relationship is strong, social media helps to grow that connection and reminds you that some bonds will never break. That’s also true for my friends that I met in India 10 years ago. We are scattered all over the world but remain connected by the memories we shared. And recently a friend shared this on our WhatsApp group

It also holds true for the friends whom I haven’t seen in a while – from school and campus – but the love is there!

I’m grateful too for the friends I see in person – who make the time for regular catch-ups and hugs. They feed my soul. There’s something beautiful when you share good news in person and see their reaction or you listen to their thoughts when they are feeling confused. Sometimes, no words are needed, presence alone matters. Those moments are priceless, even if there’s no time to take pictures or post on social media.

Some friendships tread a rocky path. Today, these friendships are so dear to me because of the odds against us and how we beat them. There have been harsh words exchanged and periods of not talking to each other – but even all that was borne out of love. Call it sibling love if you will – because that’s how it feels to me. These are friends that have become family. I also believe it has a lot to do with us growing up as individuals, going through life’s motions and then ultimately in finding our true selves, we found each other again. Yes, it’s that deep.

If you look deep within, you will realise who your true friends are. Thank them – because the first step to having a good friend is being one.

11 thoughts on “Friends

    1. Thank you so much. I was sceptical about writing this but we have to tell it like it is. You’re a beautiful person and your friends are blessed to have you in their lives!

  1. I understand how difficult this was to write as I constantly toil with this. Having friends scattered across Canada, Oz, Pretoria & Durbz each friendship is unique and when we meet its like time has not passed since our last catch-up. Then with time you know who to let go off as comms become 1-sided.
    Thank U for penning this piece.

    1. That’s exactly it. I’m glad that so many people understand and appreciate this, and that there’s no malice intended. It is but a reflection of reality. Thank you for your comment.

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