March is Autoimmune Awareness Month. And it’s made me realise that I have been failing myself and many others. I don’t write about it enough, talk about it enough or show up enough, especially recently.
I’m currently experiencing a flare up of my autoimmune condition, six years after being diagnosed, and this time it feels brutal. I don’t look like myself anymore and people don’t recognise me either.
I feel numb by it all. I have more bad days than good. Most days, I’m fatigued. Previously, when I would write about my condition and experiences, I was judged and ridiculed. It hurt. I didn’t stop writing. But, I decided to stopped sharing, until a close family member who is on a courageous health journey of her own sent me this message.
“I love all of your pieces, they are always so authentic and from the heart! I would have loved to read about your journey, because so much resonates with me. I am also learning not to let the noise of people who haven’t walked my path get into my head, but it’s so hard. Remember, right now your body is doing the heavy lifting, and it’s okay if there isn’t enough energy left for the ink. But I do hope that you are journaling, because one day your words will be the much needed motivation for someone else. Sending you much strength and love.”
I’m deeply grateful for such genuine support and my tribe who rally around me. They’ve helped me become a little braver, and so I’m sharing this poem, which I began writing in hospital last year. It made me very emotional. I kept it in my drafts, unfinished, and I completed it when I was admitted to hospital two months ago.
It comes from a place of pain, but also carries purpose. To anyone living with an autoimmune condition, like I am, or a chronic condition or debilitating disease, let’s keep going and keep fighting.
