Ambivalent About August

There was a time when I celebrated this month. A long time ago, when I wore rose-tinted glasses. Now, my glasses are misty from my tears. They flow with the tears of thousands who mourn the loss of innocence, the loss of empowerment, the loss of life.

In the first three months of 2023 alone, 969 women were killed while 1,485 women were victims of attempted murders in South Africa. Disturbingly, during this period, 10,512 women were raped, and over 15,000 women were assaulted. You may know their names from media coverage or you may know their names because you know them personally – a colleague, a neighbour, a family member.

Please remember their names. Remember their names when you’re at events, not just this month, but every month. Remember their names in everyday conversations within your circles and more so, at home. Because, this needs to be spoken about unashamedly. This isn’t a women-specific issue. Neither is it about bashing men. It’s a societal issue that demands mainstreaming and agenda setting, beyond 31 August.

Why does society often hide behind a veil of culture to justify patriarchal practices that persist today? Why are women expected to lay the table, but not have a seat at the table? Why is it that when an independent woman exudes self-confidence in a relationship she is judged for trying to be “the man” or  “wear the pants”? Are we raising our daughters differently from our sons, and ascribing gender-specific rights and responsibilities? There are more questions than answers. There’s a dire need to create safe spaces for frank discussions and stop sugar-coating or making excuses for red-flag behaviour.

This is our country, and changing the status quo must be our collective effort. We need to knock harder and break down the doors of ignorance to the unfolding epidemic of gender-based violence. The signs are around us; they always are.