Mother

How to inculcate strong values in children amid other
competing interests – a young Hindu mother’s perspective
Paper by Maya Jagjivan Kalicharan
presented at the Regional Hindu Conference – a joint initiative of the Hindu Unity Forums of Phoenix, Verulam and Tongaat
29 October 2017, Kraydeb Conference Centre
INTRODUCTION
Matru Dhevo Bhava, meaning let thy Mother be thy God is a powerful message contained in the Taittiriya Upanishad¹. Simply put, it means that the power of the mother that has given birth to a child on this Earth is equal to that of the Divine Mother above.
And therein, lies great responsibility for mothers today. How do they live up to that divine status? How do they set their children on the correct path for a life of true fulfilment – not in the material sense, but in the spiritual sense? This paper will seek to empower mothers today with practical tools based on lessons from scriptures, words of wisdom from enlightened Gurus and scientific research.
MUSIC AND THE UNBORN CHILD
New-age mothers, as they are called, look for answers and help for everything online. Much has been discussed and debated about the effect of classical music on the foetus while in the womb. Many studies have not been conclusive enough but a particular studied carried out by Deepti Krishna and published in the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health is worth taking note of.
“A study was carried out to check the effects of Indian classical music, specifically the Kalyani raga, on pregnant women. For the study, the women were asked to listen to Karnatic music of Kalyani raga for at least 20 minutes each day for 20 days. After those 20 days, researchers did a test to see if there were any changes in the unborn baby’s responses and other developmental parameters. They noted that the music did have a significant influence on both the unborn baby as well as on the pregnant woman. From improving the unborn baby’s reflexes, responses, movement and mental stimulation, it also had a calming and positive effect on the pregnant woman.”²
It begs the question – why would mothers choose Western classical music when the bhajans and kirtans in praises of Hindu Gods and Goddesses are widely available? That is the start of the child’s spiritual journey and indeed the first lesson a mother can impart. The child will develop an immediate connection to religious music, and it some cases it may run deeper than you think.
I have always been a strong devotee of Lord Krishna, and this heightened during my pregnancy as I found great comfort and peace in singing His name. I delivered my son on that stormy, beautiful night of Krishna Janmasthami in 2010. It was not planned, it was divine intervention. And now, when he attends temple, it is a natural progression of his spiritual journey as he can relate to the rhythm and melody of bhajans and kirtans.
CHILDREN AT TEMPLES
South Africa is decorated with many beautiful temples, but do the voices, the learning and the laughter of children ring from within these temples?
In the book “What is Hinduism?” published by the editors of the Hinduism Today magazine –an entire chapter focusses on How to Raise Children as Good Hindus. But, they too are mindful of the challenges.
“One hundred years ago, before movies, television and computers, in the cities and villages of India and Hindu communities in other countries, the Hindu temple was the most interesting place in town. Besides the festivals, there were dramas, dances and musical concerts. The temple was a social and educational centre as well. In our modern world we do have movies, television and computers, and many Hindu children would much rather spend their free time enjoying them with their friends rather than being at the temple. Why is this? There are many reasons. Families are not so close and trusting. And it used to be far easier to get children to come to the temple, since it was the centre of village life. Times are different, and today’s children often consider the temple boring compared to the all-pervasive and ever more compelling secular forms of entertainment that are available.”³
Temples have a range of ways in which they can involve children – from sketches based on scripture to singing and dancing. If these are not happening at temples, then mothers need to be at the forefront of motivating for that change. Mothers must be willing to take the time to groom their children to be active participants. Scriptures are now available in English, and there are special adaptations for children to make it easier for them to understand. With the advent of technology, lessons from scripture can be made even more exciting.
Let them learn about why Lord Ram was an ideal son. “He taught by example that Mother’s blessing is integral to success. His first action as he arose early in the morning was seeking His mother’s blessings. He needed her good wishes and benediction before going to the forest. On His return from exile, one of His first actions was to bow at the feet of His mothers.”⁴
Children have a range of extra-curricular activities that their parents find the time for them to be involved in. Why not apply the same to learning the values of Hindu Dharma? Many mothers would meet at temple to proudly boast that their children excel academically, come out tops in swimming or are brilliant cricket batsmen or netball players. How many mothers can boast that their child is a good Hindu?
The learning does not have to be confined to the temple; it must begin at home. The chapter – How to Raise Children as Good Hindus – also emphasises the importance of establishing a shrine in the home.
PRAYER MUST BEGIN AT HOME
“Naturally, as important as having a shrine is worshiping there daily. In the shrine room offer fruit, flowers or food. Visit your shrine when leaving the home, and upon returning. Worship in heartfelt devotion, clearing the inner channels to God and the Gods, so their grace flows toward you and loved ones. Make the shrine a refuge for all family members, where they can find peace and solace, where they can connect with the Gods and offer their praise, prayers and practical needs. Train your children to worship in the shrine before any important event in life, such as a major exam at school, or when faced with a personal challenge or problem. Following this simple, traditional practice in a sacred space within the home will do much to make Hinduism relevant to them on a day-to-day basis.
Worship together in the home shrine each morning. A popular saying in English is “The family that prays together stays together.” In Hinduism, ideally this refers to all members of the family participating in the morning worship in the home shrine before breakfast. The children can be trained to always bring an offering of a flower or at least a leaf. The exact routine followed depends on the family’s religious background and lineage. Typical practices include a simple arati or a longer puja, singing devotional songs, repeating a mantra, reading scripture and then meditating or performing simple sadhanas and yogas. As the children get older, they can take on greater responsibilities during the morning worship.
A number of Hindus have told us that what kept them a staunch, practicing Hindu, despite exposure in their youth to other religious traditions, at school and elsewhere, was the fact that the entire family practiced Hinduism together in the home.”⁵
I am a product of that. I don’t know how and when I learnt the Hanuman Chalisa. But I was able to sing this all-powerful Chalisa from memory when I was in primary school. It was because my mother created that atmosphere at home – where we began and ended our day with prayer. My sisters and I would rush to take a birth first in the morning so that we could pray first, because the rule was that no one could have breakfast before they prayed. Mothers today need to create that same level of routine and enthusiasm about prayer.
 
MOTHERHOOD: BALANCING RESPONSIBILITIES
Swami Chidananda, who was the President of the Divine Life Society of Rishikesh in India, wrote extensively on the glory of motherhood.
“The inspiring force of the home is the woman. The home is the origin and the beginning of every form of social organisation. It is the nursery of the nation. It is the sweet place where children are trained for future citizenship. Good habits, right conduct, formation of character are created in children spontaneously in a well-regulated home under the personal influence of the mother. The loving kindness and the cultured gentleness of the mother help the children to unfold their native talents and dormant capacities quickly.
Children absorb ideas by suggestion and imitation. Early training and impressions are lasting. If the child is placed in the hands of a paid servant, what can you expect when the child grows up? The child needs the constant contact of the mother. She is the first teacher or Guru. She alone can give to the child the milk of knowledge and culture and shape its destiny.” 6
Arguably, that is the biggest dilemma facing mothers and that is where the controversy arises. Given today’s high cost of living, mothers work to give their children a comfortable life and ensure that their financial needs are catered for. But it comes at a greater price – precious time spent with their children. Between household chores, international business meetings and working weekends, how do mothers guard against this?
Mothers must make the time that they spend with their children count:
 Shower them with love and affection: a hug and a cuddle – rather than gifts.
 Cook for them – because no one beats a mother’s cooking.
 Plan your work diary in conjunction with school diaries where possible so that you are there for the major days – concerts, sports and awards.
Through these simple ways, children too will respond with love and care.
AGE APPROPRIATE MESSAGES
Hindu Dharma has several universally accepted values, but are mothers imparting these values to their children?
5 PRINCIPLES
1. God Exists: One Absolute OM. One Trinity: Brahma, Vishnu, Maheshwara (Shiva). Several divine forms
2. All human beings are divine
3. Unity of existence through love
4. Religious harmony
5. Knowledge of 3 Gs: Ganga (sacred river), Gita (sacred script), Gayatri (sacred mantra)
10 DISCIPLINES
1. Satya (Truth)
2. Ahimsa (Non-violence)
3. Brahmacharya (Celibacy, non-adultery)
4. Asteya (No desire to possess or steal)
5. Aparighara (Non-corrupt)
6. Shaucha (Cleanliness)
7. Santosh (Contentment)
8. Swadhyaya (Reading of scriptures)
9. Tapas (Austerity, perseverance, penance)
10. Ishwarpranidhan (Regular prayers) ⁶
 
On paper, these values seem very difficult for children to understand but they can be simplified if they are incorporated in daily life. Take the disturbing trend that is engulfing schools currently – of children becoming bullies, of children becoming victims of bullies and children being attacked by their peers. If children are taught from an early age that all human beings are divine, they will never undermine each other. If they understand that Ahimsa is non-violence, they will never use physical force against each other.
Depending on a child’s development, age and of course, the many questions children ask, mothers can introduce the 5 principles and 10 disciplines of Hinduism as they see appropriate. These 5 principles and 10 disciplines of Hinduism must be the cornerstone of education within the home. And, no matter what a child’s age, it is never too late to learn.
CONCLUSION
All these are enormous responsibilities that rest on the shoulders of mothers. They too need support. Yes, the Taittiriya Upanishad says Matru Dhevo Bhava – meaning let thy Mother be thy God. This respected Sanskrit text also says Pitru Dhevo Bhava – meaning let thy Father be thy God. For mothers to be able to achieve what has been presented in this paper, the strong values of Hindu Dharma need to be reinforced by fathers. The more children learn about these from both the mother and father, the easier it will become to put into practice.
“Among Hindus, the family is the ideal environment through which Hindu dharma is passed from one generation to another—a child begins learning about religious traditions, epic stories, ethics, norms, and values, especially by the example set by family members.”⁷
Passed from mother and father onto the child, these rich values will spread to the child’s social environment and have a major influence as the child grows into an adult, taking his or her place in society. There can be no doubt that behind a strong-willed child stands a strong-willed mother. As mothers set out on this path of empowering their children with the values of Hindu Dharma, they can draw inspiration from Swami Vivekananda: ‘Arise, Awake, and stop not until the goal is reached.’
REFERENCES
1. Taittiriya Upanishad
2.http://www.momjunction.com/articles/music-during-pregnancy_00391526/#gref
3.https://www.hinduismtoday.com/pdf_downloads/what_is_hinduism/Sec5/WIH_Sec5_Chapter37.pdf
4.http://www.swahainternational.org/articles/mother-in-hinduism/
5.https://www.hinduismtoday.com/pdf_downloads/what_is_hinduism/Sec5/WIH_Sec5_Chapter37.pdf
6. http://sivanandaonline.org
7.https://www.thoughtco.com/principles-and-disciplines-of-hinduism-1770057